exactly one year

Two entries past, exactly one year to this day 6 March, I updated this blog. I feel like a lot has changed, while simultaneously nothing has changed. It is a strange feeling to reflect on one year, 365 days of your life and realize you are not in the place you envisioned. Who am I to complain? I am living, breathing, completing a difficult college degree and doing so rather successfully. I have a roof over my head and a mother that loves me very much.

Sometimes it does not do to dwell on dreams. And then, other times, when all is dark and seemingly hopeless, the best you can do is dwell on them.

My heart is a powerful mechanism. It is a piece of my core, essential to my survival. But it does more than pump blood through my veins. It yearns, it aches, it loves, and it hates. It wants to show everyone that I am capable of all of those things.

Everything I do, I try to do with passion. I try to be constantly aware of my surroundings. I do not want to be a floor mat for others to walk on, wipe their shoes on, muddy up. I am a precious gem in this society, I feel like I am worth more than to be treated that way. I have a good soul, a strong soul.

Yet I am still stuck here in this eerie apparatus like a fish stuck in jello. I cannot get out. I am not liberated. Life, as I wish to see it, is not that way. It never will be.